articles
Strange Correspondence
Hollywood Cocaine
Not For Hire
The Gay Bear Epidemic
I Hate You!
Retox
Rap Songs That Never Get Played Out
VP Mulligan, Please
Accidental Raver
Movies That Ruined My Childhood
Reviews
Hangover Hungries
Written Word
A Day in the Life
© Loco Nunca Enterprises.
All Rights Reserved.
STRANGE CORRESPONDENCE
We get some pretty weird emails here at Loco Nunca, and I feel the need to share the craziest of them with all of you, our dear readers. You should be able to distinguish what is a drunken email from what is an actual article submission pretty easily with these, though sometimes the line blurs. I really love it when people send good emails to us, even if they’re talking about how shitty we are, so send on, but please, do your best not to be fucking retarded. We might print it here if you are, but trust me, it makes me dead inside to receive something stupid, and I much prefer to read and respond to emails from people who get what we’re about. There were no edits done on the emails and articles below, and all pictures were sent in by the writers themselves.
You think you’re all hipstery and so fucking scene but you aren’t. If you were as cool as you think you are than you already would be begging me to be in your next issue. I have the funnest parties in this stupid town and you should come to them but I’m not going to invite you until you put me on your shitty little website. Here’s some pictures. Put them up on your shit. They are a fucking article. ;)
-Smashley
Ed Note- Smashley sent in an ungodly amount of pictures of herself and her friends getting fucking wasted, but we aren’t going to print any of them because this girl is pretty much everything that I hate about everything.
Yall’s shit is pretty cool, but its wrong for ya’ll to be ragging on Spoon like that. They helped make this town what it is so quit with it. Still you should check out my stuff on my blog. It’s just like what ya’ll do. Trust me, it’ll make ya’ll millionaires one day. Me to. Thank me laters but I gots to get paid so thank me with bills kid.
-Bryce S
I’m a cougar, loca, and would like to get laid. I can also write. Let’s talk.
-Rosa
GHOST RIDE THA WHIP
I'm a fucking Jew. And you cracka ass crackas don't got shit on me. People act surprised when I tell them. "Funny, you don't look Jewish." *sigh* Yeah, and all black people smoke crack. Like all Pitbulls are going to maul your child, and rape your cat (she was askin' for it...a pussy like that). Don't fuck with my emotions, I'm unstable, see? And talk like that gets me mad, it gets me mean mad. Everybody knows I only care about 3 things. GREEN for money and weed. PINK for cock and pussy. and RED for blood muthafucka you feel me? Sick of this shit...
It's not easy being a fucking Jew. White people hate me because I'm some strangealien religion (like I had a fuckin' choice), and all other races hate me because I'm white...Oh, and Jews hate me because I'm funnier then them and don't have to snort antihistamines before the coke. The most difficult thing aside from dealing with the mouth breathers who hate Kykes (that's OUR word. You got no business usin' it), is hearing all sorts of fucked up shit:
"You're a Jew? WOW! I've never seen one of you before!"
"Jewish? Thats exotic isn't it?"
"Can I see your cock?"
In all honesty, that last one was said to me by a Chinese man at a bus stop. He had dead leaves protruding slightly from his rectum and was high on that whack ass crack. I was not engaged in conversation with him, but I like to think he talked to me because of my slightly Semitic good looks. It would have been poetry if he had a rat tail...I digress.
****SPOILER ALERT****
We run the media. It's true. See, those inbred Nazi douche nozzles were right about that ONE thing. I worked in a company responsible for monitoring broadcasts. Believe me, you only hear about current events if it suits OUR interests...Creepy no? You don't fucking believe me, I can see it in your eyes. I'll prove it to all you goyim. You think Obama will win? NO FUCKING CHANCE! We have the inauguration speech of the non-incumbent, and it's not his ass. See, it's a party tape for us. Like the Bud Dwyer tape in 1987, you all really thought he would be convicted didn't you? Aw, don't be mad...its all love baby. We're just waiting to see your faces when we finally decide to air this shit. See, Jews are naturally funny. We just can't help but make some jokes at the expense of freedom of speech.
If you knew the truth you would shave your heads, scatter like gypsies and start anew. We'll get shikker and do lines off the ballots, that's all they're good for anyway. I want a rail with a loose chad. Now thats a Democratic nasal drip bitch. Numb, dusted, and free...
-Angel