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A Day in the Life
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I HATE YOU!
ARTICLE BY SHANE SULLIVAN
Barton Springs has the best people watching in Austin. Yeah, Whole Foods and the Drag and downtown all make for great fodder when you need to get snarky with your buds, but none of those places come close to BS. The cast of characters in this production is wide ranging but with a strong ensemble of reoccurring actors who make an appearance most every day, or at least every weekend: the quintessential guy in a thong, the topless girl, the dude who does Capoeira, a collection of mostly annoying singer/songwriters with guitars, another collection involving the hula-hoopers rockin' shitty trance music, those badasses playing ultimate who say fuck the heat. And then more recently we have the slack line guy. If you frequent the pool you've seen him. He sets up this tight rope outside the back entrance and has acquired a bit of a following. I must admit, I have made an ass of myself on the slack line more than once, though it does look cool when you actually can walk on a thin line of rope.
It takes a certain type to do this whole showing off thing. That is the asshole type, and our friend showing off his superior skills on the slack line is an asshole. Actually, he is more of a douche. You know how when you introduce your special lady friend to someone and that guy figures some sleazy way to touch her? Like, “Oh hey, can I see your tattoo?” And then he’s grabbing on her, like touching the stupid Asian ink is going to explain why this white girl has Japanese letters on her wrist? I'm getting into something else. When you are really good at something you should be humble, and if you are so good at something like walking the tight rope you should join the circus. Either way you live a life of obscurity and anonymity. But this fucking guy comes to Barton Springs, where I go to relax, and proceeds to douche it up by being the center of attention and stealing girlfriends. Ok, so that last bit is a bit fabricated, but I have seen this guy swoop in on a certain girl that a friend of mine was trying to woo. My friend is kinda soft-spoken and a solid dude, not like this fucker with the penchant for precarious acrobatics. What a royal douche.
On top of it all, our friend is known to start fights over the game of chess. What the fuck! Chess is the game of kings! You don't digress into fisticuffs in a game of wits, THAT IS FUCKING STUPID! But no, this guy is almost proud of the fact that he gets into chess fights. I had the privilege of playing a game with him one drunken evening and I swear the fucker tried to cheat me. Things quickly got out of hand. Reason kicked in though and the fight was avoided. Royal fucking douche. Anyways, considering his superior balance, I'm sure I would have gotten my ass kicked. So maybe it’s for the best that I never have fought my nemesis.