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I was strolling around Walgreen’s at 2 am the other day when I found a feminine product that I thought was a hilarious and ridiculous: Instead. Instead advertises itself as a “unique advancement” for dealing with the monthly menstrual mambo that isn’t a tampon. That alternative stance is how they got their name (you know, like instead of tampons). Instead products—I don’t really know what to call them other than clear “softcups” with a small hypo-allergenic flexible ring— hold in period blood instead of absorbing them like a tampon. Absorption is what causes toxic shock syndrome (TSS), which sounds like something no one should fuck with. I’ve been told that TSS can kill women, but I don’t know any girls who are actually worried about it. And besides, is fear of TSS really better than holding period blood inside your vagina for 12-hours, even if it’s held in a cup that you put up there?
I ended up taking the box of Insteads home as a joke and threw them on my couch, where they stayed for a couple of weeks. Then I brought up Insteads at a Loco Nunca meeting the next week, and the joke turned into the Vagimatazz video, as well as an assignment to try them out for myself. When the lining of my womanly ship set sail, I relented and popped one of these babies in. The rules of Instead are: don’t wear it for more than 12 hours (I don’t know why, but I don’t want to know), make sure you keep it level when you take it out, and it’s cool to have sex while wearing one (they call it “clean” sex on the product’s site). I squeezed the outer ring in the middle and shoved it up behind the pubic bone, just like the box told me to. I had an Instead in me.
On day one of my experience with the vag plug I wore it to work on a pretty heavy day. Around noontime, I figured I’d take it out for a lil’ looksee just to make sure my body heat hadn’t somehow melded it to my cervix. Mind you, we only have one bathroom at my work and it has horrible plumbing. I stuck my middle finger (which the box suggests) up in there and grabbed the rim of this thing and pulled it out like I would a tampon. So much blood rushed out that I thought I had fucking murdered someone and hid the evidence in my womanly crevice. It took me a good ten minutes to Lysol away the bloodshed, and at least five hand washings to get the smell of my uterus off of me. Needless to say, I did not go back to the blood receptacle anytime soon.
A couple of cycles later, for the sake of science and my friends’ laughter, I mustered up the courage to try Instead again. I really wanted these to work out since I could wear them for a long time and pretend that I no longer menstruated. This time around, I watched a few tutorial videos before putting it inside me. Still, 12-hours later, I was ready for the bloodsplosion to occur. I had a handful of toilet paper ready to immediately swaddle away the mess from my loins due to having left it in all day, but this time I was blood free. The only leakage I had all day was when I had to … um, squeeze something out later on. I usually have a couple of movements a day (I have a healthy diet) and on those occasions I guess everything contracts and a little blood dribbled out. Anyhow, I used Instead for the duration of my flow, and I ended up getting quite comfortable with having a circular receptacle in my vagina.
By the end of the week, I made the decision to take the final test— to see how Instead would stand against what I typically to do whilst Flo is visiting. If I am up for it, my boyfriend and I usually have some horizontal fun and then run to the shower to rinse off afterwards. Instead promised me “clean sex”, no showers, and I must admit that I was curious. So on a Saturday night after returning from a show and a couple of birthday parties, I had the ole cup in and went for it. Without telling my boyfriend. The sex was actually pretty great. I was conscious of it, but I couldn’t really feel it. Upon questioning my man afterwards, I found out that it wasn’t bad for him either. The only thing he noticed was that there was a point where my vaginal cavity kind of stopped, which obviously how it is usually. But, all in all, Instead was a sexual success!
I’ve been sold. If I can swim and run AND fuck without feeling this contraption gently cupping my uterine lining, I can’t complain. I would suggest watching the goofy videos on the website and listening to those tips before trying it out. Because, as I learned, if you don’t remove it level, it really is a lot like that elevator scene in The Shining.